A lot to say, but…

I’ve been feeling this urge to write for a while now. It’s been months since I consistently wrote. Somehow I feel writing gives me clarity of thought, but at the same time, I’m scared of what I write.

It is difficult to look at all the thoughts in my head and realise I’m dealing with a lot of difficult things within.

I think the last few months have been the toughest in my life. Until now, I thought my depression episode was the hardest, but now I realise it wasn’t. When I was clinically depressed in 2019, I had been on antidepressants and couldn’t feel a thing. They numbed me.

But this time, I can feel every single emotion in its entire depth. And boy, is it hard to get a hold of yourself 🙂

To an extent, I was also unable to write because I had to take time off to learn a lot of new lessons in life. I was going through a lot of things for the very first time and it took me a while to get accustomed to what I was feeling. So then I prioritised my mental health and need to get clarity because I can only articulate ideas once I personally have a grip on them.

I think this is because I prefer to write based on my experiences. My writing style is personal and is driven by my everyday experiences, experiments and learnings. That makes me the subject of my own writing, does it? So then it is only fair to take time to understand your subject better so that you can better articulate?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far, it is that everything is fair for your health. If it is for your physical and mental health, do it. There is a difference between genuinely not being able to do something and using anxiety or mental health as an excuse to not do things. As long as you aren’t fooling yourself and you genuinely need to take a break from things, do it for yourself. And as long as you aren’t being an asshole to others in the name of your mental health, do what it takes to feel better.

I’m positive that this article looked like a set of random ideas. And that’s because it is because this is my mind at the moment. I think my attempt also is to write for myself. I’m not sure if someone is even reading my blog. If you are, I’ll be happy to know. Ping me, email me or leave a comment. But since some of the best writing I have ever done was for myself, I think that’s what I’ll stick to.

I’ll try and write to feel better and to articulate my thoughts better. To gain clarity and to have something to look forward to, amidst all the chaos in life.