People hurt us because of who they are, not because of who we are

A lot of my close people have hurt me in the last 3 years. For long, I’ve wondered – why me? What did I ever do to them that they hurt me like this? Why am I suffering when I’ve not done any wrong to them?

And then I went on this whole search to find something that I did wrong.. for which I deserved the kind of treatment that I did.

But honestly, I couldn’t justify to myself that I was the reason people did it to me. It is who they are. It is their pain, their incapability, their insecurities and their fears that drive them.

The boss who pushed me out of the organization without giving me a reason for it until 2 years after, the boyfriend who never was there for me, the guy who cheated on me, my parent who verbally abused me and shamed me, the parent who was not there to support me.. did not do what they did because of me… it was because of who they were.

I have suffered the consequences of their actions and inactions. And I’m guessing that was because I was just meant to go through my share of pain and learn what I have learned. And now I’m absolving myself of the responsibility of knowing any better or having expected more from these people. I’m going to hold people accountable for what they did and know that I’m looking at them with empathy. That they perhaps did not know any better or lacked the courage to do the right thing.. or were extremely blinded by ignorance.. that I feel sorry for them now. I just hope that they someday become aware of who they are, what they’ve done and take accountability.

Holding vengeance is unnecessary and also in vain. There is nothing I will gain by retaliating and trying to give them the pain back. Simply because they are already suffering in many ways unknown to me and only a person with so much ignorance and suffering can hurt another person. So I might as well leave them to it and get on with my life.. so that I focus on healing and ending this cycle of trauma with me.